Post by Gurgen Hovhanissian on Nov 23, 2016 2:52:45 GMT -5
The screen is black, as it is wont to be when starting a Beastly promo. We hear Robert May say, “All rise!”
The image begins to fade into view. We’re in a court room. Extras, mostly young wrestlers and some NAW staff, fill the benches.
“Court is in session,” Robert declares, “Judge Hovhanissian presiding.”
The camera turns to show a side door. There’s a thud against this door. Someone is working the door handle. The door handle ceases moving without letting anyone gain ingress into the court room. Everything is quiet for a moment, then, we hear a loud wail coming from the hallway beyond the door.
In a shower of wooden shards the door explodes into the court room. The Armenian Beast comes crashing through, his arms raised in a double axe handle, the move he used to win his most recent match. Gurgen is wearing a black gown and a sizable wig that would make him more at home in a) a British court and b) a Primus video.
The Armenian Judge staggers to his feet. He uses what little is left of his mental faculties to perceive his spot in this theater of justice. Sadly, his chair is positioned on a raised platform. Navigating this platform, while wearing what almost amounts to a burka is beyond the acumen of The Beast. He trips and disappears behind the bench. Moments later he literally jumps to his feet. He pops up from behind the bench like a judge-in-the-box. Already, he has lost his wig. His own hair yet bears the orange and blue hue from last week’s promo. He crashes his humongous backside into the judge’s chair. But he’s not ready yet to commence the proceedings. He yet needs to fortify the internal Beast. A bottle of wodka appears, not from inside the unfathomable coat, for once, but from inside the bench. Gurgen downs a quick few gulp, slams the bottle on the bench and releases a loud belch signaling that court was well and truly in session now.
“Cry Havoc! And let slip dogs of war!” Judge Hovhanissian bellows across his courtroom silencing whatever chatter was still ongoing.
We switch view, Gurgen now being filmed from the side. He leans in to the camera and whispers, “Peoples tell Beast to say that. Seems that it is quite smart thing to say. And Beast be lots of smart!”
We switch back to the first view, judge Hovhanissian straightens himself again. “Where he be? The defendant Havoc?”
He leans forward casting his gaze across the assembly.
The view switches to a very bad fake Havoc … actually one of the young hopefuls, made to somewhat resemble Havoc. He rises to his feet and states, “Here you honor.”
“Havoc ain’t crying!” the judge observes, “No matter, Judge Beast make Havoc cry soon enough.”
Judge Beast pretends to make some notes by assaulting a notepad in front of him with a pencil.
When done burying his pencil through several layers of paper, he looks up.
“And where be defendant Justice?”
He leans towards the side camera again and chuckles, “Us be looking for justice in court room … fat chance of finding it here.”
Be begins to sit straight again but briefly returns to the side camera. “Peoples tell Beast to say that to … peoples say it be hella smart. And Beast be hella smart.”
Given that his ages is closer to man he’s supposed to be, the young lad made to look like RJ Justice does resemble the genuine item a little closer, but he won’t win any cosplay events … if cosplaying as wrestlers was actually a thing.
Fake-Justice, the sort you WILL find in abundance in a court room, gets up. “I’m here, your honor, but …”
“Objection!” Beast shouts, “There be no butts in Beastly court room … except Beastly butt!”
He gets up and slaps his own ass, before sitting down again.
Fake RJ, never the less, tries again, “But, your honor, I’m the plaintiff, not the defendant.”
Judge Beast grabs his gavel, screaming, “Order in the court room,” He smashes it to bits on the bench.
Gurgen lifts the section of handle, yet residing in his paw to his face. In disappointment, he snorts at it and tosses it at fake Havoc, who gets hit in the head by it.
Judge Hovhanissian rummages through the bench. After a few seconds, he exclaims, “AHA!” And produces last week’s barbed wire bat.
He slams it on the bench and is pleased to see chunks flying off the furniture.
Smashing the bench again and again, he repeats, “Order … in … the … fucking … court room!”
When the bench resembles a pile of tinder close enough, he ceases his assault. Pointing his bat at RJ, he shouts, “In court room of Beast, only Beast be plaintiff! All others better defend themselves!”
Beast tosses aside the bat. He climbs on a section of the bench that yet hold the promise to support his weight. He beats his chest in a fairly good simulacrum of King Kong and launches himself clear across the well, his fingers entwined above his head.
We get a brief close up of not-RJ. In voice more readily associated with primary school children he squeals, “I didn’t sign up for this … Mama!”
And then he gets buried in way too many pounds of pure Beast.
Beast lifts fake RJ into the air. He shakes him about like a rag doll.
“The defense rests,” Judge Hovhanissian notes.
Now, the juggernaut judge notices fake Havoc.
Fake havoc spins on his heels ant takes off.
Judge Gurgen flings the unconscious RJ, like a man sized bolo-bolo, at Havoc.
Havoc tumbles ass over teakettle into the jury box. Beast flings himself across the barrier, on top of Havoc … presumably, we don’t actually see Havoc at this point.
Raising his arms to perform a double axe handle blow, he declares, “Do Havoc swear to feel the pain!”
His hands come crashing down. He repeats the gesture saying, “The whole pain!”
And again, “And nothing but the pain!”
And yet again, “So hurt you Beast!”
Happy with the carnage he has caused, Beast hops over the barrier again, dragging the remains of Fake Havoc behind him. He marches over to the camera and picks up not-Justice along the way.
Holding Havoc by the scruff of the neck in one hand and Justice in the other, Judge Hovhanissian tells the camera, “Havoc … Justice … at meltdown, this is gonna be you. Beast no care if boys team up, Beast just wanna plant fist in people’s faces. The more faces, the happier Beast be.“
He releases both unfortunate avatars. They crumble to the floor.
Beast looks at the camera one last time and barked, “Case dismissed!”
As the image fades to black, Beast storms back to the slain door. Last thing we hear is the bailiff demanding, “All rise!” Thus ends the Beastly promo.
The image begins to fade into view. We’re in a court room. Extras, mostly young wrestlers and some NAW staff, fill the benches.
“Court is in session,” Robert declares, “Judge Hovhanissian presiding.”
The camera turns to show a side door. There’s a thud against this door. Someone is working the door handle. The door handle ceases moving without letting anyone gain ingress into the court room. Everything is quiet for a moment, then, we hear a loud wail coming from the hallway beyond the door.
In a shower of wooden shards the door explodes into the court room. The Armenian Beast comes crashing through, his arms raised in a double axe handle, the move he used to win his most recent match. Gurgen is wearing a black gown and a sizable wig that would make him more at home in a) a British court and b) a Primus video.
The Armenian Judge staggers to his feet. He uses what little is left of his mental faculties to perceive his spot in this theater of justice. Sadly, his chair is positioned on a raised platform. Navigating this platform, while wearing what almost amounts to a burka is beyond the acumen of The Beast. He trips and disappears behind the bench. Moments later he literally jumps to his feet. He pops up from behind the bench like a judge-in-the-box. Already, he has lost his wig. His own hair yet bears the orange and blue hue from last week’s promo. He crashes his humongous backside into the judge’s chair. But he’s not ready yet to commence the proceedings. He yet needs to fortify the internal Beast. A bottle of wodka appears, not from inside the unfathomable coat, for once, but from inside the bench. Gurgen downs a quick few gulp, slams the bottle on the bench and releases a loud belch signaling that court was well and truly in session now.
“Cry Havoc! And let slip dogs of war!” Judge Hovhanissian bellows across his courtroom silencing whatever chatter was still ongoing.
We switch view, Gurgen now being filmed from the side. He leans in to the camera and whispers, “Peoples tell Beast to say that. Seems that it is quite smart thing to say. And Beast be lots of smart!”
We switch back to the first view, judge Hovhanissian straightens himself again. “Where he be? The defendant Havoc?”
He leans forward casting his gaze across the assembly.
The view switches to a very bad fake Havoc … actually one of the young hopefuls, made to somewhat resemble Havoc. He rises to his feet and states, “Here you honor.”
“Havoc ain’t crying!” the judge observes, “No matter, Judge Beast make Havoc cry soon enough.”
Judge Beast pretends to make some notes by assaulting a notepad in front of him with a pencil.
When done burying his pencil through several layers of paper, he looks up.
“And where be defendant Justice?”
He leans towards the side camera again and chuckles, “Us be looking for justice in court room … fat chance of finding it here.”
Be begins to sit straight again but briefly returns to the side camera. “Peoples tell Beast to say that to … peoples say it be hella smart. And Beast be hella smart.”
Given that his ages is closer to man he’s supposed to be, the young lad made to look like RJ Justice does resemble the genuine item a little closer, but he won’t win any cosplay events … if cosplaying as wrestlers was actually a thing.
Fake-Justice, the sort you WILL find in abundance in a court room, gets up. “I’m here, your honor, but …”
“Objection!” Beast shouts, “There be no butts in Beastly court room … except Beastly butt!”
He gets up and slaps his own ass, before sitting down again.
Fake RJ, never the less, tries again, “But, your honor, I’m the plaintiff, not the defendant.”
Judge Beast grabs his gavel, screaming, “Order in the court room,” He smashes it to bits on the bench.
Gurgen lifts the section of handle, yet residing in his paw to his face. In disappointment, he snorts at it and tosses it at fake Havoc, who gets hit in the head by it.
Judge Hovhanissian rummages through the bench. After a few seconds, he exclaims, “AHA!” And produces last week’s barbed wire bat.
He slams it on the bench and is pleased to see chunks flying off the furniture.
Smashing the bench again and again, he repeats, “Order … in … the … fucking … court room!”
When the bench resembles a pile of tinder close enough, he ceases his assault. Pointing his bat at RJ, he shouts, “In court room of Beast, only Beast be plaintiff! All others better defend themselves!”
Beast tosses aside the bat. He climbs on a section of the bench that yet hold the promise to support his weight. He beats his chest in a fairly good simulacrum of King Kong and launches himself clear across the well, his fingers entwined above his head.
We get a brief close up of not-RJ. In voice more readily associated with primary school children he squeals, “I didn’t sign up for this … Mama!”
And then he gets buried in way too many pounds of pure Beast.
Beast lifts fake RJ into the air. He shakes him about like a rag doll.
“The defense rests,” Judge Hovhanissian notes.
Now, the juggernaut judge notices fake Havoc.
Fake havoc spins on his heels ant takes off.
Judge Gurgen flings the unconscious RJ, like a man sized bolo-bolo, at Havoc.
Havoc tumbles ass over teakettle into the jury box. Beast flings himself across the barrier, on top of Havoc … presumably, we don’t actually see Havoc at this point.
Raising his arms to perform a double axe handle blow, he declares, “Do Havoc swear to feel the pain!”
His hands come crashing down. He repeats the gesture saying, “The whole pain!”
And again, “And nothing but the pain!”
And yet again, “So hurt you Beast!”
Happy with the carnage he has caused, Beast hops over the barrier again, dragging the remains of Fake Havoc behind him. He marches over to the camera and picks up not-Justice along the way.
Holding Havoc by the scruff of the neck in one hand and Justice in the other, Judge Hovhanissian tells the camera, “Havoc … Justice … at meltdown, this is gonna be you. Beast no care if boys team up, Beast just wanna plant fist in people’s faces. The more faces, the happier Beast be.“
He releases both unfortunate avatars. They crumble to the floor.
Beast looks at the camera one last time and barked, “Case dismissed!”
As the image fades to black, Beast storms back to the slain door. Last thing we hear is the bailiff demanding, “All rise!” Thus ends the Beastly promo.