Post by Vice Squad on Dec 22, 2012 16:13:44 GMT -5
OOC – Sorry for not posting sooner. I was hoping to do two roleplays but as it’s now Saturday I will only post this one so it’s more fair..
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Welcome to this special festive episode of Vice TV..
Thursday 20th December
11:00 AM
Outside Miami Police Department's central offices
The scene opens up outside the Police department in the snowy streets of Miami - And for the purposes of this story it does snow in Miami, as no snow at Christmas is like a Big Mac without the burger. As the camera zooms through the streets of Miami we end up outside the Miami Police Department. Lance and Hank are just getting out of the trademark Ferrari Spyder.
Lance: Come on man, let’s try get in there before Perry starts..
Hank: Yeah, the last time we were late he put us on graffiti patrol for a week.
Lance: Too late...
Hank turns around, as does the camera and we see Den Perry walk around the corner. A short, plump man, carrying a bag of doughnuts, with a constantly cold and heartless expression attached to his face. He walks through the courtyard of the police department, where a dozen or so police officers are getting out of their cars. Perry scowls at them as he walks past. The police officers break off into a choreographed song and dance routine lead by Lance and Hank.
Den Perry turns around and they all suddenly stop singing and go back to their business. Perry walks up the steps of the station and walks through the door, held open by someone, without thanking them. The scene changes to the inside of the department – a busy office floor, decorated with tinsel and christmas decorations. We turn to Perry’s office where he always leaves his door open so that he can keep an eye on his staff. The air-conditioning in his office is only on low and even lower in his staffs' offices. As Perry is about to sit down he notices an elderly man sat down on one of the side chairs in the office.
Mr. Applegate: Please Mr. Perry, I lost my cat over a week ago and you still haven't shown any signs of looking for him ..
Perry: We are a police department, not a lost and found, now get out
Mr. Applegate looks shocked and as if he is about to say something else. Perry just looks up and gives him a mean stare until he turns and leaves his office. Perry uses his intercom to talk to one of secretaries.
Perry: Let us deal with the eviction notices..
Secretary: But it shall soon be Christmas sir.
Perry: Very well then, you may gift wrap them
Perry starts to write out a recommendation for dismissal as another figure enters the doorway.
Fred: Hello, uncle
It is Perry’s nephew, Fred. A young man with a cheerful expression, he is seen carrying a Christmas reef.
Fred: A merry Christmas to you uncle
Perry: Bah, humbug!
Fred: Christmas a Humbug uncle? Surely you don't mean that?
Perry: I do . Merry Christmas? What reason do you have to be happy? You're poor enough ..
Fred: Come now, what reason do you have to be dismal? You're rich enough..
Perry: Bah, humbug.
Fred: Uncle!
Perry: Nephew! You keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine ..
Fred: You don't keep it though .
Perry: Let me leave it then. Much good it has ever done you!
Fred: I have always thought of Christmas as a good time - a kind, forgiving, charitable and pleasant time. A time where men and women open their hearts to the less fortunate as though we are truly brothers. And while it has never put money in my pockets, I believe that it has done me good and will do me good and I say, God bless it!
One of the elderly staff members in the office applauds and noticing Perry's hard stare upon him stops and returns to his work.
Perry: What a load of crap . Christmas is nothing more than a time where people act foolish, decorating their houses with tacky decorations and buying each other presents you don't want. A time where the shops go all out to take more of your money by selling all the Christmas related crap. A time where c-list celebrities and failing pop groups release crappy Christmas records in the hope to use Christmas to boost their sales. Christmas is a joke!
Fred: I didn't come here to argue with you uncle, I came to invite you for Christmas dinner with us..
Perry: Why did you get married nephew?
Fred: Because I fell in Love.
Perry: Love! Ha! You are quite an idiot nephew.
Fred: Have you ever been in love uncle?
Perry: Good day, nephew.
Fred: If that is how you feel uncle, I feel sorry for you..
Perry: You feel sorry for me? You should feel sorry for yourself. Good day.
Fred: Very well then I shall say goodbye and I wish you a very Merry Christmas uncle .
Perry: Goodbye nephew.
Fred: And a Happy New Year!
Perry: Goodbye.
Fred turns to leave but before he walks through the door, he hangs the Christmas reef on the door. Perry returns to writing the recommendation for dismissal when there is a knock on the door. It is Simon Le Bon and Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran making a special guest appearance. They walk through the door, Simon carrying a clipboard. Simon clears his throat and Perry looks up..
Perry: Yes?
Mr. Foster: My name is Mr. Foster and this is Mr. Williams and we are collecting for charity
Perry: Charity?!
Mr. Foster: At this festive season of the year it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries and hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir
Perry: Are there no prisons?
Mr. Williams: There are plenty of prisons .
Perry: And the poor houses? Are they still in operation?
Mr. Williams: They are, although I wish I could say they were not .
Perry: Oh. I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had happened to these establishments... I'm very glad to hear it .
Mr. Foster: A few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink and means of warmth to share just a small piece of happiness at this time of year. What shall I put you down for?
Perry: Nothing!
Mr. Foster: You wish to be anonymous?
Perry: I wish to be left alone but since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I have a city of law abiding citizens to look after, I will not help those who do not help themselves. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned and they cost enough and those who are not so well off must go there .
Mr. Williams: Many can't go there and many would rather die!
Perry: If they would rather die they had better get on and do it and decrease the surplus population!
Suddenly a sound can be heard coming through the open window. Perry cocks his head so he can listen better. It’s someone singing a Christmas Carol. Perry gets up and walks to the window. In the street below is a kid, no more than 14, standing on the sidewalk singing a Christmas carol.
Boy: Good King Wenceslas first looked out, on the feast of Stephen, When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even. Brightly shone the moon that night ..
Perry: You boy!
The boy looks up
Boy: What?
Perry: Wait there
Perry walks over to his office door and takes down the reef. He walks back over to the window and the boy is waiting, eagerly looking up at the window. Perry throws the reef at him and it hits him on the head.
Perry: Shut up!
Perry sits back down at his desk, not paying attention to Foster and Williams. Mr. Foster clears his throat and Perry looks up at him.
Mr. Foster: There is still the matter of how much you would like to donate?
Perry: How much? You can put me down for nothing and not a penny less
Mr. Foster: But it's Christmas, many people die at this time of year
Perry: Well if it is such a merry time as people keep telling me it is, then there can't be a better time to go can there?! Good day gentlemen!
Mr. Foster: Let's go Mr. Williams, I think we have taken up enough of Mr. Perrys time
The two charity collectors leave the department, shocked by the attitude of Den Perry... And that is enough Dickens for one day. Lance and Hank come up the stairs and approach their desks. Lance has a small tree on his desk and upon closer inspection we can see that 80's babe, Phoebe Cates face has been stuck on the angels head. Two overweight cops walk past Lance and Hank...
Officer Janetti: Hey look, it’s the dynamic duo..
Most people stop to watch what is going on
Officer Cooke: It’s the super cops, fighting crime by day and fighting men by night..
People in the office start to laugh
Officer Janetti: Why don’t you leave the crime work to us real cops and go play with other guys full time?
Hank: Put a cork in it Janetti..
Officer Janetti: You guys are a disgrace to the force.
Hank: News flash Janetti, we’re the best team in this precinct, in this city! We catch all the criminals you’re too slow to run after..
Officer Cooke: Speaking of crime, I’ve got a case for you... My little neighbour lost her dolly.. maybe you two can go find it.
Lance: That will still be one more case than you ever solved..
Hank: Hey, give them credit, they got to the bottom of that case of doughnuts fast enough..
Officer Janetti: Oh yeah, putting your speedos on and rolling about with other men this weekend eh guys?
Officer Cooke: Didn’t do too good in that last match of yours eh..
Officer Janetti: Yeah, I’ll be tuning in to see you guys get put through a table, it’ll be worth it for a laugh.
Lance: Yeah you may be a little disappointed there Janetti, you see, we won’t be the ones going through that table.. The only table we’re going through is the one that breaks when we’re showing your wives a good time.
Everyone is now watching the confrontation as a few “Oohs” can be heard. The tension is high as Officers Janetti and Cooke stand up to Lance and Hank. Lance and Hank adjust themselves, ready for a fight..
Perry: VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCEEEEEEEEEEE SQUUUUUUUUUAAAADDDDDD!!!!
Den Perry is stood in his door way glaring at the 4 men. Everyone quickly gets back to business and Janetti and Cooke slowly back away and walk off. Lance and Hank turn and walk to Perry’s office.
Perry: Get your punk ass's into my office post haste, you no good SOBs!
They quickly make their way across the department, attracting looks from the other cops. Perry has already gone into his office and is sat at his desk, lighting up a cigarette. The Vice Squad walk into his office and close the door behind them.
Hank: That's no way to talk about Lances momma cheif...
Perry: Shut it! No, don't bother sitting down...
The Vice Squad, realising this must be more serious than the normal 'I bust a shirt button so I'll take it out on you' rants stop the jokes and stand awkwardly by his desk.
Perry: Now... Do you mind explaining to me why you two are off gallivanting around up that piss pot of a state at this time of year?
Lance: It’s a scheduled match chief. Bi-weekly shows.. you knew we would be away when we signed the contract. Martin Lawrence allowed us to do both..
Perry: I don't care about this stupid match! And that’s another thing, you two idiots better not get beat up and injured.. The last thing I need is for people having time off.
Lance: Don’t worry chief, this match is ours. We will be victorious.
Perry: I don’t give a damn about you punks winning. Now, this is the busiest time of year. I’ve got the mayor on my ass about this guy going around stealing presents from the children's hospitals. Now I couldn’t give a rats ass about some little kid not getting a dolly but it’s bad for public relations. I need this case solving..
There is a spark in his eyes now. He is as red as a tomato from all the shouting and Lance swears, for a split second, his shadow had horns, a tail and hooves.
Hank: I thought Janetti and Cooke were on it..
Perry: They couldn’t catch an STD in a whore house. Now you guys have been a thorn in my side since you were put together by that old fool, Martin Lawrence. Always prancing about and making jokes, with your crappy 80's suits but as much as it pains me to say this, you guys get the job done.. I want this job done ASAP or you’re not going be in that match.. Now go on, get out of my sight.
Lance and Hank leave Perry’s office wondering where to start on the case, with only a few days to crack it.
Lance: It’s a good job we’ve already being looking into the robberies..
Hank: Damn skippy Lance, it’ll give us a head start on cracking it, then we can go and crack some skulls in our match.
Just then Jimmy the Rookie, a previously mentioned but unseen Vice TV player comes running up..
Jimmy: Mr. Hank... Mr. Hank...
Hank: Oh good..
Jimmy: I’ve got the results of them fingerprints you wanted running.. Turns out it’s your old friend Lowlife Lenny.
Lance: Good work Jimmy. We’ll go pay ol’ Lenny a visit and we should have this thing wrapped up by dinner time tonight.
Lance and Hank begin to march towards the exit with Jimmy following eagerly after them. The next scene we see the Squad, plus Jimmy, coming out of the department and heading over to the Spyder.
Jimmy: You guys gonna be ok this weekend? Lance, you nearly got put through a flaming table last time...
Lance: Yeah but the key word there is nearly.. Yes, I nearly went through a table but Hank was there to save me from such a fate.. The one thing we epitomise more than any other team is team work. We are a great team. You know, we’ve worked together now for 15 years and been wrestling together for nearly 10 years. We’re attuned to each other, able to read each other and pull off double team moves without having to make any kind of signals. We know what to do when one member is down... and that could be sacrificing yourself to a beating so the downed member can get back to their feet. When all their attention was blindly focused on me, Hank was able get himself in position to make the save... We divide our focus equally so we know where everyone is and what must be done at all times. We are tag team wrestling at it’s finest.
Hank: You know, maybe we under estimated the Boys a little, we sure did take a beating but we gave as good as we got. And as Lance was saying about being a great team.. Maybe one day we don’t do so good but then we learn from any mistakes and adapt our styles so that the next time we do better. You know, this is a tag title match qualifier but as the Black Circle Boys said themselves, they don’t give a damn about actually winning the titles whereas we do. They don’t care about winning, they just want to cause chaos and pain, to satisfy some sort of sick desire but we actually want to win and want to be the best... We have the desire and the drive pushing us forward to succeed.
Jimmy: I can’t believe they nearly got away with putting someone through a flaming table, that could have done some serious damage..
Lance: Don’t sweat it Jimmy.. They seem to think they are untouchable in that regard but I’m sure if they had actually succeeded in putting me through a flaming table then Alex Morgan would have had words with them, possibly docking or suspending them, that would be Morgan's decision.. but no harm, no foul you know.. Now we know their game, we can play to our own skills and advantages.
Jimmy: A table match is what the Black Circle Boys want.. I hope you guys do beat them..
Lance: You see, what the Boys don’t know is that Hank and myself, suggested the Christmas Dinner Table match to Alex Morgan..
Jimmy: You did?
Hank: Yeah.. We figured if they were so intent on putting us through a table then we might as well beat them at their own game. Really knock some of that religious self right, god complex out of them. We’re cops Jimmy and what do cops do? They prevail when evil approaches. The Black Circle Boys are the approaching evil and we will do our utmost best to prevail and beat them back.. Like a shining beacon that snuffs out the darkness. They wanna talk about rules and breaking them to do what they want but it’s our job to uphold the rules.. yet, we’re no stranger to bending the rules.. They’re not the only ones who can play dirty and cause pain..
Lance: Lark keeps telling us he is gonna feed on his opponents but you know what, I’m a little hungry for some revenge myself.. I think it’s time Lark had a 3 course meal of humble pie followed by a decent helping of pain and finished off with some tasty canvas... In fact, if he’s so hungry, I will happily oblige him and drop him through that table so he can feed on that Christmas dinner..
Hank: If you watch the match Jimmy, you’re gonna see a master class in kicking ass. If the Boys think they’re gonna beat us.. cause us pain.. then they’ve got another thing coming.. It should be a hard match but we will beat them there in that ring and put them through the table to score the win and tag title shot.. Kenny Loggins once sang a highway to the danger zone and that's just what Lark and Ryder are driving down.. They might live for the danger but we are the ones who rule this highway and they will be the ones crashing and burning.
Lance: Hang on, I've got another feeding themed sign off - If they are hungry they can feast on all the cold, hard justice they want.. there will be plenty to go around.
Hank: Nice..
Jimmy: You guys are awesome though, I’m sure you will be tag champs in no time.
Hank: You're not Pamela Anderson Jimmy so stop sucking up...
Jimmy: Guys, I wanna be in the match... I wanna kick ass...
Hank: No...
Jimmy: Come on, I wanna be involved...
Lance: No...
Jimmy: Come on, please let me be involved in some way...
Lance: Ok... Go do some ringing around and see if you can get the whereabouts of Lenny while we go check out his usual haunts and ring us if you find anything out. Do that and.... we’ll let you stand in our corner for the match.
Jimmy jumps up, punching the air with his clenched fist...
Jimmy: Yes! Thanks guys...
Lance: Keep in mind, this is only a one-time thing...
Hank: And we don't want you getting involved in the match...
Jimmy: Of course...
The scene fades out as Lance and Hank get into the Spyder and drive off in search of Lowlife Lenny...
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Welcome to this special festive episode of Vice TV..
Thursday 20th December
11:00 AM
Outside Miami Police Department's central offices
The scene opens up outside the Police department in the snowy streets of Miami - And for the purposes of this story it does snow in Miami, as no snow at Christmas is like a Big Mac without the burger. As the camera zooms through the streets of Miami we end up outside the Miami Police Department. Lance and Hank are just getting out of the trademark Ferrari Spyder.
Lance: Come on man, let’s try get in there before Perry starts..
Hank: Yeah, the last time we were late he put us on graffiti patrol for a week.
Lance: Too late...
Hank turns around, as does the camera and we see Den Perry walk around the corner. A short, plump man, carrying a bag of doughnuts, with a constantly cold and heartless expression attached to his face. He walks through the courtyard of the police department, where a dozen or so police officers are getting out of their cars. Perry scowls at them as he walks past. The police officers break off into a choreographed song and dance routine lead by Lance and Hank.
“Oh, There goes mister humbug,
There goes mister grim,
If they gave out prizes for been mean,
The winner would be him,
And if he was a flavour,
You can bet he would be sour
He must be so lonely,
He must be so sad,
He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad,
He's really a victim of fear and fright,
Look closely and there must be a nice man inside... NAH!
Oh! There goes mister heartless,
There goes mister cruel,
He never gives,
He only takes,
Yes, that's his only rule
If being means a way of life,
He practised and rehearsed,
And all that work is paying off,
Cause Perry is getting worse,
Everyday in every way,
Perry is getting worse!”
There goes mister grim,
If they gave out prizes for been mean,
The winner would be him,
And if he was a flavour,
You can bet he would be sour
He must be so lonely,
He must be so sad,
He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad,
He's really a victim of fear and fright,
Look closely and there must be a nice man inside... NAH!
Oh! There goes mister heartless,
There goes mister cruel,
He never gives,
He only takes,
Yes, that's his only rule
If being means a way of life,
He practised and rehearsed,
And all that work is paying off,
Cause Perry is getting worse,
Everyday in every way,
Perry is getting worse!”
Den Perry turns around and they all suddenly stop singing and go back to their business. Perry walks up the steps of the station and walks through the door, held open by someone, without thanking them. The scene changes to the inside of the department – a busy office floor, decorated with tinsel and christmas decorations. We turn to Perry’s office where he always leaves his door open so that he can keep an eye on his staff. The air-conditioning in his office is only on low and even lower in his staffs' offices. As Perry is about to sit down he notices an elderly man sat down on one of the side chairs in the office.
Mr. Applegate: Please Mr. Perry, I lost my cat over a week ago and you still haven't shown any signs of looking for him ..
Perry: We are a police department, not a lost and found, now get out
Mr. Applegate looks shocked and as if he is about to say something else. Perry just looks up and gives him a mean stare until he turns and leaves his office. Perry uses his intercom to talk to one of secretaries.
Perry: Let us deal with the eviction notices..
Secretary: But it shall soon be Christmas sir.
Perry: Very well then, you may gift wrap them
Perry starts to write out a recommendation for dismissal as another figure enters the doorway.
Fred: Hello, uncle
It is Perry’s nephew, Fred. A young man with a cheerful expression, he is seen carrying a Christmas reef.
Fred: A merry Christmas to you uncle
Perry: Bah, humbug!
Fred: Christmas a Humbug uncle? Surely you don't mean that?
Perry: I do . Merry Christmas? What reason do you have to be happy? You're poor enough ..
Fred: Come now, what reason do you have to be dismal? You're rich enough..
Perry: Bah, humbug.
Fred: Uncle!
Perry: Nephew! You keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine ..
Fred: You don't keep it though .
Perry: Let me leave it then. Much good it has ever done you!
Fred: I have always thought of Christmas as a good time - a kind, forgiving, charitable and pleasant time. A time where men and women open their hearts to the less fortunate as though we are truly brothers. And while it has never put money in my pockets, I believe that it has done me good and will do me good and I say, God bless it!
One of the elderly staff members in the office applauds and noticing Perry's hard stare upon him stops and returns to his work.
Perry: What a load of crap . Christmas is nothing more than a time where people act foolish, decorating their houses with tacky decorations and buying each other presents you don't want. A time where the shops go all out to take more of your money by selling all the Christmas related crap. A time where c-list celebrities and failing pop groups release crappy Christmas records in the hope to use Christmas to boost their sales. Christmas is a joke!
Fred: I didn't come here to argue with you uncle, I came to invite you for Christmas dinner with us..
Perry: Why did you get married nephew?
Fred: Because I fell in Love.
Perry: Love! Ha! You are quite an idiot nephew.
Fred: Have you ever been in love uncle?
Perry: Good day, nephew.
Fred: If that is how you feel uncle, I feel sorry for you..
Perry: You feel sorry for me? You should feel sorry for yourself. Good day.
Fred: Very well then I shall say goodbye and I wish you a very Merry Christmas uncle .
Perry: Goodbye nephew.
Fred: And a Happy New Year!
Perry: Goodbye.
Fred turns to leave but before he walks through the door, he hangs the Christmas reef on the door. Perry returns to writing the recommendation for dismissal when there is a knock on the door. It is Simon Le Bon and Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran making a special guest appearance. They walk through the door, Simon carrying a clipboard. Simon clears his throat and Perry looks up..
Perry: Yes?
Mr. Foster: My name is Mr. Foster and this is Mr. Williams and we are collecting for charity
Perry: Charity?!
Mr. Foster: At this festive season of the year it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries and hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir
Perry: Are there no prisons?
Mr. Williams: There are plenty of prisons .
Perry: And the poor houses? Are they still in operation?
Mr. Williams: They are, although I wish I could say they were not .
Perry: Oh. I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had happened to these establishments... I'm very glad to hear it .
Mr. Foster: A few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink and means of warmth to share just a small piece of happiness at this time of year. What shall I put you down for?
Perry: Nothing!
Mr. Foster: You wish to be anonymous?
Perry: I wish to be left alone but since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I have a city of law abiding citizens to look after, I will not help those who do not help themselves. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned and they cost enough and those who are not so well off must go there .
Mr. Williams: Many can't go there and many would rather die!
Perry: If they would rather die they had better get on and do it and decrease the surplus population!
Suddenly a sound can be heard coming through the open window. Perry cocks his head so he can listen better. It’s someone singing a Christmas Carol. Perry gets up and walks to the window. In the street below is a kid, no more than 14, standing on the sidewalk singing a Christmas carol.
Boy: Good King Wenceslas first looked out, on the feast of Stephen, When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even. Brightly shone the moon that night ..
Perry: You boy!
The boy looks up
Boy: What?
Perry: Wait there
Perry walks over to his office door and takes down the reef. He walks back over to the window and the boy is waiting, eagerly looking up at the window. Perry throws the reef at him and it hits him on the head.
Perry: Shut up!
Perry sits back down at his desk, not paying attention to Foster and Williams. Mr. Foster clears his throat and Perry looks up at him.
Mr. Foster: There is still the matter of how much you would like to donate?
Perry: How much? You can put me down for nothing and not a penny less
Mr. Foster: But it's Christmas, many people die at this time of year
Perry: Well if it is such a merry time as people keep telling me it is, then there can't be a better time to go can there?! Good day gentlemen!
Mr. Foster: Let's go Mr. Williams, I think we have taken up enough of Mr. Perrys time
The two charity collectors leave the department, shocked by the attitude of Den Perry... And that is enough Dickens for one day. Lance and Hank come up the stairs and approach their desks. Lance has a small tree on his desk and upon closer inspection we can see that 80's babe, Phoebe Cates face has been stuck on the angels head. Two overweight cops walk past Lance and Hank...
Officer Janetti: Hey look, it’s the dynamic duo..
Most people stop to watch what is going on
Officer Cooke: It’s the super cops, fighting crime by day and fighting men by night..
People in the office start to laugh
Officer Janetti: Why don’t you leave the crime work to us real cops and go play with other guys full time?
Hank: Put a cork in it Janetti..
Officer Janetti: You guys are a disgrace to the force.
Hank: News flash Janetti, we’re the best team in this precinct, in this city! We catch all the criminals you’re too slow to run after..
Officer Cooke: Speaking of crime, I’ve got a case for you... My little neighbour lost her dolly.. maybe you two can go find it.
Lance: That will still be one more case than you ever solved..
Hank: Hey, give them credit, they got to the bottom of that case of doughnuts fast enough..
Officer Janetti: Oh yeah, putting your speedos on and rolling about with other men this weekend eh guys?
Officer Cooke: Didn’t do too good in that last match of yours eh..
Officer Janetti: Yeah, I’ll be tuning in to see you guys get put through a table, it’ll be worth it for a laugh.
Lance: Yeah you may be a little disappointed there Janetti, you see, we won’t be the ones going through that table.. The only table we’re going through is the one that breaks when we’re showing your wives a good time.
Everyone is now watching the confrontation as a few “Oohs” can be heard. The tension is high as Officers Janetti and Cooke stand up to Lance and Hank. Lance and Hank adjust themselves, ready for a fight..
Perry: VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCEEEEEEEEEEE SQUUUUUUUUUAAAADDDDDD!!!!
Den Perry is stood in his door way glaring at the 4 men. Everyone quickly gets back to business and Janetti and Cooke slowly back away and walk off. Lance and Hank turn and walk to Perry’s office.
Perry: Get your punk ass's into my office post haste, you no good SOBs!
They quickly make their way across the department, attracting looks from the other cops. Perry has already gone into his office and is sat at his desk, lighting up a cigarette. The Vice Squad walk into his office and close the door behind them.
Hank: That's no way to talk about Lances momma cheif...
Perry: Shut it! No, don't bother sitting down...
The Vice Squad, realising this must be more serious than the normal 'I bust a shirt button so I'll take it out on you' rants stop the jokes and stand awkwardly by his desk.
Perry: Now... Do you mind explaining to me why you two are off gallivanting around up that piss pot of a state at this time of year?
Lance: It’s a scheduled match chief. Bi-weekly shows.. you knew we would be away when we signed the contract. Martin Lawrence allowed us to do both..
Perry: I don't care about this stupid match! And that’s another thing, you two idiots better not get beat up and injured.. The last thing I need is for people having time off.
Lance: Don’t worry chief, this match is ours. We will be victorious.
Perry: I don’t give a damn about you punks winning. Now, this is the busiest time of year. I’ve got the mayor on my ass about this guy going around stealing presents from the children's hospitals. Now I couldn’t give a rats ass about some little kid not getting a dolly but it’s bad for public relations. I need this case solving..
There is a spark in his eyes now. He is as red as a tomato from all the shouting and Lance swears, for a split second, his shadow had horns, a tail and hooves.
Hank: I thought Janetti and Cooke were on it..
Perry: They couldn’t catch an STD in a whore house. Now you guys have been a thorn in my side since you were put together by that old fool, Martin Lawrence. Always prancing about and making jokes, with your crappy 80's suits but as much as it pains me to say this, you guys get the job done.. I want this job done ASAP or you’re not going be in that match.. Now go on, get out of my sight.
Lance and Hank leave Perry’s office wondering where to start on the case, with only a few days to crack it.
Lance: It’s a good job we’ve already being looking into the robberies..
Hank: Damn skippy Lance, it’ll give us a head start on cracking it, then we can go and crack some skulls in our match.
Just then Jimmy the Rookie, a previously mentioned but unseen Vice TV player comes running up..
Jimmy: Mr. Hank... Mr. Hank...
Hank: Oh good..
Jimmy: I’ve got the results of them fingerprints you wanted running.. Turns out it’s your old friend Lowlife Lenny.
Lance: Good work Jimmy. We’ll go pay ol’ Lenny a visit and we should have this thing wrapped up by dinner time tonight.
Lance and Hank begin to march towards the exit with Jimmy following eagerly after them. The next scene we see the Squad, plus Jimmy, coming out of the department and heading over to the Spyder.
Jimmy: You guys gonna be ok this weekend? Lance, you nearly got put through a flaming table last time...
Lance: Yeah but the key word there is nearly.. Yes, I nearly went through a table but Hank was there to save me from such a fate.. The one thing we epitomise more than any other team is team work. We are a great team. You know, we’ve worked together now for 15 years and been wrestling together for nearly 10 years. We’re attuned to each other, able to read each other and pull off double team moves without having to make any kind of signals. We know what to do when one member is down... and that could be sacrificing yourself to a beating so the downed member can get back to their feet. When all their attention was blindly focused on me, Hank was able get himself in position to make the save... We divide our focus equally so we know where everyone is and what must be done at all times. We are tag team wrestling at it’s finest.
Hank: You know, maybe we under estimated the Boys a little, we sure did take a beating but we gave as good as we got. And as Lance was saying about being a great team.. Maybe one day we don’t do so good but then we learn from any mistakes and adapt our styles so that the next time we do better. You know, this is a tag title match qualifier but as the Black Circle Boys said themselves, they don’t give a damn about actually winning the titles whereas we do. They don’t care about winning, they just want to cause chaos and pain, to satisfy some sort of sick desire but we actually want to win and want to be the best... We have the desire and the drive pushing us forward to succeed.
Jimmy: I can’t believe they nearly got away with putting someone through a flaming table, that could have done some serious damage..
Lance: Don’t sweat it Jimmy.. They seem to think they are untouchable in that regard but I’m sure if they had actually succeeded in putting me through a flaming table then Alex Morgan would have had words with them, possibly docking or suspending them, that would be Morgan's decision.. but no harm, no foul you know.. Now we know their game, we can play to our own skills and advantages.
Jimmy: A table match is what the Black Circle Boys want.. I hope you guys do beat them..
Lance: You see, what the Boys don’t know is that Hank and myself, suggested the Christmas Dinner Table match to Alex Morgan..
Jimmy: You did?
Hank: Yeah.. We figured if they were so intent on putting us through a table then we might as well beat them at their own game. Really knock some of that religious self right, god complex out of them. We’re cops Jimmy and what do cops do? They prevail when evil approaches. The Black Circle Boys are the approaching evil and we will do our utmost best to prevail and beat them back.. Like a shining beacon that snuffs out the darkness. They wanna talk about rules and breaking them to do what they want but it’s our job to uphold the rules.. yet, we’re no stranger to bending the rules.. They’re not the only ones who can play dirty and cause pain..
Lance: Lark keeps telling us he is gonna feed on his opponents but you know what, I’m a little hungry for some revenge myself.. I think it’s time Lark had a 3 course meal of humble pie followed by a decent helping of pain and finished off with some tasty canvas... In fact, if he’s so hungry, I will happily oblige him and drop him through that table so he can feed on that Christmas dinner..
Hank: If you watch the match Jimmy, you’re gonna see a master class in kicking ass. If the Boys think they’re gonna beat us.. cause us pain.. then they’ve got another thing coming.. It should be a hard match but we will beat them there in that ring and put them through the table to score the win and tag title shot.. Kenny Loggins once sang a highway to the danger zone and that's just what Lark and Ryder are driving down.. They might live for the danger but we are the ones who rule this highway and they will be the ones crashing and burning.
Lance: Hang on, I've got another feeding themed sign off - If they are hungry they can feast on all the cold, hard justice they want.. there will be plenty to go around.
Hank: Nice..
Jimmy: You guys are awesome though, I’m sure you will be tag champs in no time.
Hank: You're not Pamela Anderson Jimmy so stop sucking up...
Jimmy: Guys, I wanna be in the match... I wanna kick ass...
Hank: No...
Jimmy: Come on, I wanna be involved...
Lance: No...
Jimmy: Come on, please let me be involved in some way...
Lance: Ok... Go do some ringing around and see if you can get the whereabouts of Lenny while we go check out his usual haunts and ring us if you find anything out. Do that and.... we’ll let you stand in our corner for the match.
Jimmy jumps up, punching the air with his clenched fist...
Jimmy: Yes! Thanks guys...
Lance: Keep in mind, this is only a one-time thing...
Hank: And we don't want you getting involved in the match...
Jimmy: Of course...
The scene fades out as Lance and Hank get into the Spyder and drive off in search of Lowlife Lenny...