Post by patricksparkman on Feb 7, 2013 18:51:59 GMT -5
*The camera opens on Barry Lincoln looking at his watch standing on a runway. We see a private jet rolling down the runway at Allegheny County Airport. As the plane rolls to a stop, airport personnel rush out to pull down the stairs from the plane. Three more personnel rush on to the airplane and begin to carry suitcases and garment bags off the plane and into a waiting limo. After everything is unloaded, Patrick Sparkman emerges at the top of the stairs. He’s wearing a charcoal suit with a black button down and gray and black tie as he swings a knee-length topcoat on and steps down towards the waiting Lincoln.*
Lincoln: Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m pleased to introduce on of the newest members of the North Atlantic Wrestling roster, Patrick Sparkman.
Sparkman: Well, first off Barry, I already have to correct you. It ain’t just Patrick Sparkman, its “Pretty Boy” Patrick Sparkman. You better go ahead and get used to that part.
Lincoln: Forgive me. Well, Mr. Sparkman, let me be the first person to officially welcome you to North Atlantic Wrestling.
Sparkman: Yeah, NAW sure is rolling out the welcome wagon. Figured I might have a bit more of a ceremony.
Lincoln: If you don’t mind me asking Mr. Sparkman, why?
Sparkman: Well, they’ve just secured the hottest free agent in the professional wrestling industry. And I’m coming up here and making my debut in Pittsburgh of all the places. That oughta have the mayor out here with a key to the damn city. You are bringing in someone who is at the top of their game and is the peak of absolute athleticism, certainly more than you can say about any of the *cough* professional sports teams in this city. You remember the “Steel Curtain”? Well, now you have the Titanium Hip defense for the Steelers, and the Pirates, PLEASE. The Pirates who haven’t been relevant in my lifetime and Roberto Clemente ain’t walking through that door any time soon. So when you have an athletic specimen of this magnitude and you don’t recognize it, Mr. Mayor, you are missing you’re opportunity to inspire your constituency.
Lincoln: Patrick, you seem to be more worried about sports teams in Pittsburgh than you are about your debut match?
Sparkman: Barry, how often do you get a world-class athlete who makes his debut in your city, especially one as far beneath me as Pittsburgh, and you don’t take advantage?
Lincoln: You keep saying world-class athlete, Patrick. Forgive me if I withhold judgment on that until I actually see you compete?
Sparkman: I’m sorry Barry. Were you all-state in three different sports in high school? Did you play football in the best conference in America, the Southeastern Conference? This folks over at Pitt sure know about SEC football after their bowl game this year.
Lincoln: Patrick, I looked into it. You were in the private school division of Tennessee athletics and were a walk-on, third string tight end who had 9 catches for 43 yards in 6 games over four years. Do you really consider that a world-class athlete?
Sparkman: *after a short pause while glaring at Barry Lincoln* You know you might wanna make a better impression on your newest talent there Barry?
Lincoln: *trying to scramble quickly to get past this awkward moment* So, ummm…, your debut match? How are you feeling going into your first match here in NAW against Akrista?
Sparkman: Y’know Barry *looking up to see how late it’s getting while still visibly frustrated with Lincoln's statement about his athleticism* it’s starting to get late. I don’t really have time to worry about that tonight. So you hold up your question until next time Barry, I’ve got more to worry about tonight.
Lincoln: *As Sparkman walks off camera* But… *Sparkman steps into his limo and his driver closes the door. As the driver gets in the front, the camera turns back to Barry Lincoln.* Well… the newest member of North Atlantic locker room, “Pretty Boy” Patrick Sparkman, has quite a bit and very little to say at the same time.
Lincoln: Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m pleased to introduce on of the newest members of the North Atlantic Wrestling roster, Patrick Sparkman.
Sparkman: Well, first off Barry, I already have to correct you. It ain’t just Patrick Sparkman, its “Pretty Boy” Patrick Sparkman. You better go ahead and get used to that part.
Lincoln: Forgive me. Well, Mr. Sparkman, let me be the first person to officially welcome you to North Atlantic Wrestling.
Sparkman: Yeah, NAW sure is rolling out the welcome wagon. Figured I might have a bit more of a ceremony.
Lincoln: If you don’t mind me asking Mr. Sparkman, why?
Sparkman: Well, they’ve just secured the hottest free agent in the professional wrestling industry. And I’m coming up here and making my debut in Pittsburgh of all the places. That oughta have the mayor out here with a key to the damn city. You are bringing in someone who is at the top of their game and is the peak of absolute athleticism, certainly more than you can say about any of the *cough* professional sports teams in this city. You remember the “Steel Curtain”? Well, now you have the Titanium Hip defense for the Steelers, and the Pirates, PLEASE. The Pirates who haven’t been relevant in my lifetime and Roberto Clemente ain’t walking through that door any time soon. So when you have an athletic specimen of this magnitude and you don’t recognize it, Mr. Mayor, you are missing you’re opportunity to inspire your constituency.
Lincoln: Patrick, you seem to be more worried about sports teams in Pittsburgh than you are about your debut match?
Sparkman: Barry, how often do you get a world-class athlete who makes his debut in your city, especially one as far beneath me as Pittsburgh, and you don’t take advantage?
Lincoln: You keep saying world-class athlete, Patrick. Forgive me if I withhold judgment on that until I actually see you compete?
Sparkman: I’m sorry Barry. Were you all-state in three different sports in high school? Did you play football in the best conference in America, the Southeastern Conference? This folks over at Pitt sure know about SEC football after their bowl game this year.
Lincoln: Patrick, I looked into it. You were in the private school division of Tennessee athletics and were a walk-on, third string tight end who had 9 catches for 43 yards in 6 games over four years. Do you really consider that a world-class athlete?
Sparkman: *after a short pause while glaring at Barry Lincoln* You know you might wanna make a better impression on your newest talent there Barry?
Lincoln: *trying to scramble quickly to get past this awkward moment* So, ummm…, your debut match? How are you feeling going into your first match here in NAW against Akrista?
Sparkman: Y’know Barry *looking up to see how late it’s getting while still visibly frustrated with Lincoln's statement about his athleticism* it’s starting to get late. I don’t really have time to worry about that tonight. So you hold up your question until next time Barry, I’ve got more to worry about tonight.
Lincoln: *As Sparkman walks off camera* But… *Sparkman steps into his limo and his driver closes the door. As the driver gets in the front, the camera turns back to Barry Lincoln.* Well… the newest member of North Atlantic locker room, “Pretty Boy” Patrick Sparkman, has quite a bit and very little to say at the same time.