Post by Homeland Security on Dec 13, 2016 23:50:56 GMT -5
The scene opens up and the closeup view of a fireplace is shown. A cozy looking fire is roasting inside the fireplace and after a few seconds the view zooms out a bit and reveals the room to be the inside of a living room. A large chair is seen sitting in front of the fireplace and in it sits NAW superstar Luke Savage. Savage is dressed in a set of camo pajamas and he has his feet propped up on a footstool, appearing to be reading from a book that’s sitting in his lap. He has a large mug in his hand and he sips from it as he turns the page and eventually notices the camera focusing on him.
Luke: Oh hey there, I didn’t even notice you creepin’ in here. Normally I’d fill you full of buckshot for walkin’ into my house unannounced…but it’s the Holidays so I guess I can reconsider…just this once.
Some muffled talking is heard coming from behind the camera.
Luke: What’s that? I invited you here? Well I don’t remember that…but then again I did mix this stuff pretty strong. You want one?
Luke takes another sip and the camera is shown moving back and forth in a “no” motion.
Luke: Well your loss. Anyway, I just been sittin’ here enjoyin’ me one of these classic Christmas tales before I finish my eggnog here and turn in for the night. There ain’t nothin’ that can get you in the Holiday spirit better than readin’ a good ole’ Christmas story, know what I mean?
Luke turns another page in his book and again takes a sip from his overly large mug. He points down to a section in his book and looks back into the camera.
Luke: In fact, while you guys are here how about I read you this little story here...it’s a true classic that I’m sure all of you remember as kids. It’s called…”Twas The Night Before Holiday Fear”
Luke begins reading from the book, glancing back and forth from the book to the camera between each verse as he reads:
Luke closes the book and smiles into the camera just as it starts to slowly fade.
Luke: Merry Christmas. See you at Holiday Fear fellas.
Luke: Oh hey there, I didn’t even notice you creepin’ in here. Normally I’d fill you full of buckshot for walkin’ into my house unannounced…but it’s the Holidays so I guess I can reconsider…just this once.
Some muffled talking is heard coming from behind the camera.
Luke: What’s that? I invited you here? Well I don’t remember that…but then again I did mix this stuff pretty strong. You want one?
Luke takes another sip and the camera is shown moving back and forth in a “no” motion.
Luke: Well your loss. Anyway, I just been sittin’ here enjoyin’ me one of these classic Christmas tales before I finish my eggnog here and turn in for the night. There ain’t nothin’ that can get you in the Holiday spirit better than readin’ a good ole’ Christmas story, know what I mean?
Luke turns another page in his book and again takes a sip from his overly large mug. He points down to a section in his book and looks back into the camera.
Luke: In fact, while you guys are here how about I read you this little story here...it’s a true classic that I’m sure all of you remember as kids. It’s called…”Twas The Night Before Holiday Fear”
Luke begins reading from the book, glancing back and forth from the book to the camera between each verse as he reads:
Twas’ the night before Holiday Fear, when all through the lands,
Everybody was stirring, preparing to make their stands
The Horizon title was buffed and polished with care,
To be worn soon by Savage, while the rest of you stare.
The wrestlers of the NAW all nestled in their beds,
While visions of NAW gold dance in their heads.
John Blade in his trailer, looking up at his pathetic little tree,
Wishing he had a better tag line than “you can’t see me”
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
He paused his episode of Sesame Street to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a gust,
Parted his old blinds and wiped away the dust.
The moon lighting up the trailer park, all covered in snow,
Blade could see movement in the driveway below.
When, what to his wondering eyes should be found
But a group dressed in goth, and one painted like a clown
He knew it was The Jeckels, and Helena their lady
Along with their pal Havoc, all mysterious and shady
Blade invited them in to his house full of lame,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
Now Havoc! Now Helena! Now Jake and Jack!
How about instead of fighting, we toss a few back
I have a two liter of soda, we can watch Sesame Street and Glee,
We can learn about the letter F, and sing songs by my tree!
The group looked at each other, a decision in their heads ringing
The came here to brawl, but they sure loved them some singing
So up to the trailer and the rickety porch they flew,
Each with a smile on their face, and even Havoc too.
Then after a few songs, the group heard from within
The bending and cracking from Blade’s roof made of tin.
As they wondered in their heads, and were turning around,
Right through the ceiling Luke Savage came falling down.
He was dressed all in camo, from his head to his duds,
And on Blade’s dusty couch, he landed with a thud.
A big bottle of whiskey held firmly in his hand,
The drunkest son of a bitch, in all of the land
His eyes-how they twinkled, from the effects of the night’s party,
His let out a burp that kinda smelled like Bacardi.
His looked at the television, a puzzled look in his eyes,
“Why would grown men watch this?” He thought with a sigh.
He looked at the whiskey still held tight in his hand,
He took a nice swig and then formulated his plan.
He had a broad face and eyes like a laser,
That pierced when he glared at you, and stung like a taser.
He was broad and tough, his usual grizzled old self,
Havoc gasped when he saw him, and The Jeckels hid under a shelf.
The burn of his stare and the twist of his head,
Had John Blade trembling and wishing he were dead.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He bent over and aimed, then farted with a jerk.
The house quickly became toxic and Havoc held his nose,
Then back up through the busted ceiling Savage rose!
He sprang to his pickup, into the night he gave a yell,
And away he drove, like a bat out of hell.
But the group heard him exclaim, as he drove out of view,
"I’m gonna be the Horizon Champion you sumbitches! You’re nothing but poo!"
Luke closes the book and smiles into the camera just as it starts to slowly fade.
Luke: Merry Christmas. See you at Holiday Fear fellas.