Post by Vice Squad on Dec 7, 2012 15:39:59 GMT -5
Voice Over: Previously on Vice TV...
Lance and Hank walk out of Ricardo's and over to the Spyder, parked in the nearby car park. Lance hops in the drivers' seat and Hank gets in the passenger seat. Lance reverses out of the car park and out on to the street. They drive no more than 10 meters when a loud bang followed by spluttering comes from the engine. Lance pulls over to the side as smoke begins to blow out from under the hood.
Lance: Funking hell!
Voice Over: And now the conclusion...
Hank: Woah, woah, woah, that don't sound too good... What just happened?
Lance: Beats the funk outta me...
Lance gets out of the drivers side and flips on his aviator shades. He strolls around to the front of the car and opens the bonnet up. A huge amount of smoke pours out of from the engine. He pulls a wire out from the engine and is squirted with a thick line of oil, down the front of his cool blue suit jacket.
Lance: Funking hell!
Hank: At least someone is doing some shooting...
Lance: What the funk man... First some two bit crooks give us the run around, then my car and now my suit... Someone is gonna have to pay.
Hank: Easy dude, take it on them Black Circle Guys at the weekend. Hey, you want me to give my good pal Big Bob a ring?
Lance: Who?
Hank: Big Bob Joy Love...
Lance: He sounds like a porn star... in fact I'm sure I have seen him in that one with Ron Jeremy... What was it, 'Bone to be Wild'?
Hank: That's the guy, after 30 years in the business with his legendary large tool he's now a used car sales men. You could say he still uses his tool.
Lance: Why would I need a salesman?
Hank: He's also a trained mechanic and will sort us out some temp wheels while he fixes up the Sypder...
Lance: He sounds a bit seedy...
Hank: A porn star seedy!?! Don't be stupid! I'll give him a ring and he’ll be over here like jumping jack flash!
The Vice Squad logo spins onto the middle of the screen as the Vice Squad theme plays. The voices of Lance and Hank can be heard,
Hank: What are we gonna do this week Lance?
Lance: The same thing we do every day Hank... Try to dominate the Tag Division.
The jingle continues as the logo fades out and the scene fades in. As the scene becomes fully visible the jingle stops.
Thursday 29th November, 2pm
Beach front
Miami, Florida
We return to the scene following a slightly beat up, blue pick up truck with ‘Big Bobs Pickup’ painted on the side. He is sporting the very best in porn star style - blonde mullet and handlebar moustache combo with a pair of skin tight jeans and a dirty string vest. He’s singing along to Right Said Freds’ classic, 'I'm Too Sexy'. He toots his horn along to the song...
Big Bob Joy Love: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy it hurts... I'm too sexy for my cat... too sexy for my mothers hat...
The guy spots Hank and Lance waiting at the side of the road next to the burnt out Spyder, still giving off a little black smoke. He pulls up next them and very slowly gets out of the truck - he seems a lot fatter than Hank can remember but just as greasy.
Big Bob Joy Love: Hey Hank, my best customer!
Hank: Bob this is my partner, Lance Carter. Lance, this is the legendary swordsman, Big Bob Joy Love
Lance: Yeah, I've seen your work...
Big Bob Joy Love: Always good to meet a fan. Hey Hank, you get this weeks shipment?
Hank tugs on his collar and looks slightly nervous.
Hank: Shipment? What Shipment?
Big Bob Joy Love: You know, Ass-merican Idol volume 9...
Hank: Err, I think you got me confused with someone else Bob...
Lance: Sure he has Hank or shall I just call you wank?
A message flashes on the screen – “The producers of Vice Squad would just like to apologise to any viewers who found the last comment offensive but hey, this isn't Happy Days...”
Hank: So... The car, you think you can fix it?
Big Bob leans over the bonnet and takes a quick glance at the engine.
Big Bob Joy Love: Sure I can, I can fix anything.. It’ll cost you though..
Hank: Discount I hope?
Big Bob Joy Love: For you, absolutely. Shall I charge it to your account?
Lance: Cough-porn king-cough...
Hank: Account? I don’t have an account, what are you talking about..
Hank looks around and notices that Lance isn't buying it. He breathes in deep, hardening his chest to looks as macho as he can.
Hank: Yeah sure, just add to the bill for those other cars I wrecked in the derby..
We next see Big Bob hitching the Spyder up to the back of the tow truck. He climbs in the drivers side as Lance and Hank climb into the spare passenger seats and they set off to Big Bobs car yard.
Big Bob Joy Love: So... Hank, not seen you for a while..
Hank: No, being busy lately. You remember all that time ago when I first met you..
Big Bob Joy Love: Yeah.
Hank: When I basically rescued you from the German Porn Mafia...
Big Bob Joy Love: Yeah... I'll never forget that... You came in dressed as a dominatrix and...
Hank: Woah, woah, woah... I told you to keep that quiet...
Lance: No, no.. Please, carry on...
Big Bob Joy Love: Well he came in dressed as a dominatrix and mid way through his performance, the head guy wanted a personal show. So away they went into a separate room...
Hank: Don't...
Big Bob Joy Love: They must have been in there for a good 5... maybe 10 minutes but suddenly they burst through the door and Hank had his gun to the guys head and suddenly as if from nowhere, loads of other cops came rushing in and arrested everyone...
Lance: Well, well well...
Hank: Nothing happened ok... Changing the subject... You doing alright Bob?
Big Bob Joy Love: Always busy Hank, always.. Between doing this and selling cars and the ol’ movies on the side, i’m raking it in man! What about you, how's the err, wrestling going?
Hank: Good man... We just joined a new federation up north called Wilkes-Barre and Scranton Wrestling
Big Bob Jou Love: Wow, all the way up in PA eh..
Hank: Yeah, we won out first match and we’re scheduled to wrestle in the main event again this weekend so we need to get there, you got a temporary car for us?
Big Bob Joy Love: Oh yes! Have I got just the car for you guys... It's perfect. It's around the back of my tow truck...
The two men and the porn star go around the back of the tow truck... It's good that you know what context that is in.
Lance: Funk me Bob!
Hank: It's what dreams are made of...
In front of the Vice Squad stands the 1960s Batmobile in all it’s black and red glory.
Lance: Holy Smokes...
Hank: Jiminy jinkers Lanceman...
Big Bob Joy Love: You guys like? I swapped Adam West back in 1977, the year of my prime. In return I gave him a life time supply of my whole back catalogue...
Hank: You mean all 1007 movies?
Big Bob Joy Love: 1009 and still counting...
Lance: You’re gonna let us drive The Batmobile..?
Big Bob Joy Love: Yeah... anything for my favourite cops.
Hank: Wow, thanks Bob...
Hank and Lance look at each other before shaking hands with Mr Love.
Big Bob Joy Love: My god is your right hand strong Hank...
Hank: It's all the work outs I do...
Lance: Yeah from those tapes...
Hank: Pick on me all you want but today I am happy...
Lance: As today, the Vice Squad will drive the Batmobile!
Hank: Away to WBSW Lanceman!
Big Bob lets the Batmobile down from the back of his tow-truck. He throws them the keys and Lance and Hank climb aboard the Batmobile and fire up the engine. There is a deafening roar from the fire booster at the back. They turn to each other with massive smiles across their faces. Big Bob waves as they drive away.
Lance: So what happened between you and the german mafia boss?
Hank: Honestly man... nothing. I cracked him with the whip a couple of times, naturally but I didn't do anything...
Lance: Ok man... I beleive you. Come on... Lets get to Pennsylvania.
The Vice Squad logo spins into the middle of the screen as the 1960s Batman theme plays replacing the words Batman with Vice Squad. When we return, the scene has changed to a long highway bathed in the light of a sun high in the afternoon sky. Lance and Hank are driving up the East Coast to WBSW in Pennsylvania, having just crossed the Virginia border. Still driving the 1960s Batmobile, they are attracting looks of bewilderment from the other drivers on the highway.
Thursday 6th December, 3pm
Highway 95
Emporia, Virginia
Lance: It drives like a dream.
Hank: I knew Bob would come through for us.... like so many people before.
Lance: Haha.
Hank: Hey Lance, did you catch the latest verbal admission of insanity from the Black Circle Boys?
Lance: Yeah I did. They really seem a little.. not quite with it. I wonder if they get off on causing pain..
Hank: Well, at least we know what to get them for Christmas – a double lobotomy and 2 rolls of rubber wallpaper. We should send them a rebuttal, I can film it and send it to that little lovely to pass on again.
Hank takes out his cell phone and proceeds to position it on the dashboard to film both themselves.
Lance: Ok, Black Circle Boys.. Fenriz, Ryder, if I may.. Those were some pretty big words for someone who didn’t take the time to learn our names.. You know, I don’t know where it is you guys come from but here in the normal world a wrestling match is a contest of talent and skill. You seem hell bent on causing pain which is fine but we’ve got news for you – a wrestling match has rules. This is not some kind of backwoods street fight. You think the ref won’t disqualify you if you use some sort of weapon or brake an arm? You think that Alex Morgan won’t fire you for setting someone on fire? There will be repercussions for such behaviour and not just from management.. You might just find yourself on the receiving end of some Cold, Hard Justice.
Hank: You see, we’re use to dealing with sickos on a daily basis.. broken bones.. mutilated corpses.. we’ve seen it all before on the streets, we know how to handle our selves. Don’t take us too lightly just ‘cos we have exceptional dress sense and extreme good looks. We might look like a couple of happy go lucky beach boys but when all is said and done, we will be the ones stood with our fully functional arms in the air, raised in victory while you two muddy funksters are down for the count. If you wanna go ahead and brake the rules of the match and turn it into something more then don’t be surprised to find us biting back.
Lance: Hank and myself have our fair share of scars but where do you think the men who gave them us are now? They’re no where... No one remembers them.. Yet here we are, still fighting, still winning and we will be the ones who are remembered for it. You may not place a lot of importance on victories, statistics and titles but we do.. It’s the proof of success... proof of talent... the acknowledgement that some one appreciates what you’re doing and has given you a chance to represent the fed. It’s the justification for all the hard work, training to accomplish your dreams. We’ve already won our first match - the first of many - we’re one up and now our second match is with you.. Prepare to go one down boys.. You see we like to believe in what we call The 3 C’s.. With a healthy grasp of confidence, courage and cornflakes we can achieve anything we set our minds to.
Hank: We’re not fools. We know you will probably try cheat and try to turn this ugly.. But that victory you so coolly mocked will keep us fighting. Come the end of the match, we may be in pain, we may be battered and bruised but we will be triumphant. You see, we are here in WBSW not to make friends.. not to make enemies.. not to cause pointless destruction.. No, we are here for one thing and that’s to accomplish our goals. And our goal is simple – Win and have one hell of an awesome time doing it! We may lose a long the way.. We’re not stupid enough to honestly believe we will win every match.. We have won plenty of times and we’ve lost a lot too but there is one thing about the Squad you should know - we don’t stand down. You may beat us physically but have no doubt, we will be the ones declared the winners.. And we will go on to be the inaugural WBSW Tag Team Champions...
Lance: Probably singles champions too...
Hank: And we will be sitting at the top of the fed, with the titles, the best on show. So you go around hurting people for the hell of it if that’s what you like to do. Any one can cause some one pain.. But to take part in a match and come out the winner.. To win enough times to be champion.. that takes talent... and boys, talent beats violence when violence is put above talent. Get ready to start seeing us win a lot while you go around setting ants on fire or eating rats or something..
Lance: And here’s a friendly thought guys... You might wanna try the Ultimate Fighting League, that’s the place for big, brainless pain seekers like yourselves..
Hank stops the recording. The Vice Squad are heading towards Wilkes-Barre for their second match with WBSW. They know it’s probably gonna be a hard match but on the surface, they are calm and collected about what awaits them, safe in the knowledge that with a little help from The 3 C’s, a little ‘Cold, Hard, Justice’ will prevail.
Voice Over: Can The Vice Squad defeat the Black Circle Boys and go 2-0 up? Will The Black Circle Boy try to harm the Vice Squad or will the Squad beat them before things turn nasty? Grab your cornflakes and tune in to WBSW Live this Sunday to find out!
Copyright Vice Squad Entertainment
Lance and Hank walk out of Ricardo's and over to the Spyder, parked in the nearby car park. Lance hops in the drivers' seat and Hank gets in the passenger seat. Lance reverses out of the car park and out on to the street. They drive no more than 10 meters when a loud bang followed by spluttering comes from the engine. Lance pulls over to the side as smoke begins to blow out from under the hood.
Lance: Funking hell!
Voice Over: And now the conclusion...
Hank: Woah, woah, woah, that don't sound too good... What just happened?
Lance: Beats the funk outta me...
Lance gets out of the drivers side and flips on his aviator shades. He strolls around to the front of the car and opens the bonnet up. A huge amount of smoke pours out of from the engine. He pulls a wire out from the engine and is squirted with a thick line of oil, down the front of his cool blue suit jacket.
Lance: Funking hell!
Hank: At least someone is doing some shooting...
Lance: What the funk man... First some two bit crooks give us the run around, then my car and now my suit... Someone is gonna have to pay.
Hank: Easy dude, take it on them Black Circle Guys at the weekend. Hey, you want me to give my good pal Big Bob a ring?
Lance: Who?
Hank: Big Bob Joy Love...
Lance: He sounds like a porn star... in fact I'm sure I have seen him in that one with Ron Jeremy... What was it, 'Bone to be Wild'?
Hank: That's the guy, after 30 years in the business with his legendary large tool he's now a used car sales men. You could say he still uses his tool.
Lance: Why would I need a salesman?
Hank: He's also a trained mechanic and will sort us out some temp wheels while he fixes up the Sypder...
Lance: He sounds a bit seedy...
Hank: A porn star seedy!?! Don't be stupid! I'll give him a ring and he’ll be over here like jumping jack flash!
The Vice Squad logo spins onto the middle of the screen as the Vice Squad theme plays. The voices of Lance and Hank can be heard,
Hank: What are we gonna do this week Lance?
Lance: The same thing we do every day Hank... Try to dominate the Tag Division.
The jingle continues as the logo fades out and the scene fades in. As the scene becomes fully visible the jingle stops.
Thursday 29th November, 2pm
Beach front
Miami, Florida
We return to the scene following a slightly beat up, blue pick up truck with ‘Big Bobs Pickup’ painted on the side. He is sporting the very best in porn star style - blonde mullet and handlebar moustache combo with a pair of skin tight jeans and a dirty string vest. He’s singing along to Right Said Freds’ classic, 'I'm Too Sexy'. He toots his horn along to the song...
Big Bob Joy Love: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy it hurts... I'm too sexy for my cat... too sexy for my mothers hat...
The guy spots Hank and Lance waiting at the side of the road next to the burnt out Spyder, still giving off a little black smoke. He pulls up next them and very slowly gets out of the truck - he seems a lot fatter than Hank can remember but just as greasy.
Big Bob Joy Love: Hey Hank, my best customer!
Hank: Bob this is my partner, Lance Carter. Lance, this is the legendary swordsman, Big Bob Joy Love
Lance: Yeah, I've seen your work...
Big Bob Joy Love: Always good to meet a fan. Hey Hank, you get this weeks shipment?
Hank tugs on his collar and looks slightly nervous.
Hank: Shipment? What Shipment?
Big Bob Joy Love: You know, Ass-merican Idol volume 9...
Hank: Err, I think you got me confused with someone else Bob...
Lance: Sure he has Hank or shall I just call you wank?
A message flashes on the screen – “The producers of Vice Squad would just like to apologise to any viewers who found the last comment offensive but hey, this isn't Happy Days...”
Hank: So... The car, you think you can fix it?
Big Bob leans over the bonnet and takes a quick glance at the engine.
Big Bob Joy Love: Sure I can, I can fix anything.. It’ll cost you though..
Hank: Discount I hope?
Big Bob Joy Love: For you, absolutely. Shall I charge it to your account?
Lance: Cough-porn king-cough...
Hank: Account? I don’t have an account, what are you talking about..
Hank looks around and notices that Lance isn't buying it. He breathes in deep, hardening his chest to looks as macho as he can.
Hank: Yeah sure, just add to the bill for those other cars I wrecked in the derby..
We next see Big Bob hitching the Spyder up to the back of the tow truck. He climbs in the drivers side as Lance and Hank climb into the spare passenger seats and they set off to Big Bobs car yard.
Big Bob Joy Love: So... Hank, not seen you for a while..
Hank: No, being busy lately. You remember all that time ago when I first met you..
Big Bob Joy Love: Yeah.
Hank: When I basically rescued you from the German Porn Mafia...
Big Bob Joy Love: Yeah... I'll never forget that... You came in dressed as a dominatrix and...
Hank: Woah, woah, woah... I told you to keep that quiet...
Lance: No, no.. Please, carry on...
Big Bob Joy Love: Well he came in dressed as a dominatrix and mid way through his performance, the head guy wanted a personal show. So away they went into a separate room...
Hank: Don't...
Big Bob Joy Love: They must have been in there for a good 5... maybe 10 minutes but suddenly they burst through the door and Hank had his gun to the guys head and suddenly as if from nowhere, loads of other cops came rushing in and arrested everyone...
Lance: Well, well well...
Hank: Nothing happened ok... Changing the subject... You doing alright Bob?
Big Bob Joy Love: Always busy Hank, always.. Between doing this and selling cars and the ol’ movies on the side, i’m raking it in man! What about you, how's the err, wrestling going?
Hank: Good man... We just joined a new federation up north called Wilkes-Barre and Scranton Wrestling
Big Bob Jou Love: Wow, all the way up in PA eh..
Hank: Yeah, we won out first match and we’re scheduled to wrestle in the main event again this weekend so we need to get there, you got a temporary car for us?
Big Bob Joy Love: Oh yes! Have I got just the car for you guys... It's perfect. It's around the back of my tow truck...
The two men and the porn star go around the back of the tow truck... It's good that you know what context that is in.
Lance: Funk me Bob!
Hank: It's what dreams are made of...
In front of the Vice Squad stands the 1960s Batmobile in all it’s black and red glory.
Lance: Holy Smokes...
Hank: Jiminy jinkers Lanceman...
Big Bob Joy Love: You guys like? I swapped Adam West back in 1977, the year of my prime. In return I gave him a life time supply of my whole back catalogue...
Hank: You mean all 1007 movies?
Big Bob Joy Love: 1009 and still counting...
Lance: You’re gonna let us drive The Batmobile..?
Big Bob Joy Love: Yeah... anything for my favourite cops.
Hank: Wow, thanks Bob...
Hank and Lance look at each other before shaking hands with Mr Love.
Big Bob Joy Love: My god is your right hand strong Hank...
Hank: It's all the work outs I do...
Lance: Yeah from those tapes...
Hank: Pick on me all you want but today I am happy...
Lance: As today, the Vice Squad will drive the Batmobile!
Hank: Away to WBSW Lanceman!
Big Bob lets the Batmobile down from the back of his tow-truck. He throws them the keys and Lance and Hank climb aboard the Batmobile and fire up the engine. There is a deafening roar from the fire booster at the back. They turn to each other with massive smiles across their faces. Big Bob waves as they drive away.
Lance: So what happened between you and the german mafia boss?
Hank: Honestly man... nothing. I cracked him with the whip a couple of times, naturally but I didn't do anything...
Lance: Ok man... I beleive you. Come on... Lets get to Pennsylvania.
The Vice Squad logo spins into the middle of the screen as the 1960s Batman theme plays replacing the words Batman with Vice Squad. When we return, the scene has changed to a long highway bathed in the light of a sun high in the afternoon sky. Lance and Hank are driving up the East Coast to WBSW in Pennsylvania, having just crossed the Virginia border. Still driving the 1960s Batmobile, they are attracting looks of bewilderment from the other drivers on the highway.
Thursday 6th December, 3pm
Highway 95
Emporia, Virginia
Lance: It drives like a dream.
Hank: I knew Bob would come through for us.... like so many people before.
Lance: Haha.
Hank: Hey Lance, did you catch the latest verbal admission of insanity from the Black Circle Boys?
Lance: Yeah I did. They really seem a little.. not quite with it. I wonder if they get off on causing pain..
Hank: Well, at least we know what to get them for Christmas – a double lobotomy and 2 rolls of rubber wallpaper. We should send them a rebuttal, I can film it and send it to that little lovely to pass on again.
Hank takes out his cell phone and proceeds to position it on the dashboard to film both themselves.
Lance: Ok, Black Circle Boys.. Fenriz, Ryder, if I may.. Those were some pretty big words for someone who didn’t take the time to learn our names.. You know, I don’t know where it is you guys come from but here in the normal world a wrestling match is a contest of talent and skill. You seem hell bent on causing pain which is fine but we’ve got news for you – a wrestling match has rules. This is not some kind of backwoods street fight. You think the ref won’t disqualify you if you use some sort of weapon or brake an arm? You think that Alex Morgan won’t fire you for setting someone on fire? There will be repercussions for such behaviour and not just from management.. You might just find yourself on the receiving end of some Cold, Hard Justice.
Hank: You see, we’re use to dealing with sickos on a daily basis.. broken bones.. mutilated corpses.. we’ve seen it all before on the streets, we know how to handle our selves. Don’t take us too lightly just ‘cos we have exceptional dress sense and extreme good looks. We might look like a couple of happy go lucky beach boys but when all is said and done, we will be the ones stood with our fully functional arms in the air, raised in victory while you two muddy funksters are down for the count. If you wanna go ahead and brake the rules of the match and turn it into something more then don’t be surprised to find us biting back.
Lance: Hank and myself have our fair share of scars but where do you think the men who gave them us are now? They’re no where... No one remembers them.. Yet here we are, still fighting, still winning and we will be the ones who are remembered for it. You may not place a lot of importance on victories, statistics and titles but we do.. It’s the proof of success... proof of talent... the acknowledgement that some one appreciates what you’re doing and has given you a chance to represent the fed. It’s the justification for all the hard work, training to accomplish your dreams. We’ve already won our first match - the first of many - we’re one up and now our second match is with you.. Prepare to go one down boys.. You see we like to believe in what we call The 3 C’s.. With a healthy grasp of confidence, courage and cornflakes we can achieve anything we set our minds to.
Hank: We’re not fools. We know you will probably try cheat and try to turn this ugly.. But that victory you so coolly mocked will keep us fighting. Come the end of the match, we may be in pain, we may be battered and bruised but we will be triumphant. You see, we are here in WBSW not to make friends.. not to make enemies.. not to cause pointless destruction.. No, we are here for one thing and that’s to accomplish our goals. And our goal is simple – Win and have one hell of an awesome time doing it! We may lose a long the way.. We’re not stupid enough to honestly believe we will win every match.. We have won plenty of times and we’ve lost a lot too but there is one thing about the Squad you should know - we don’t stand down. You may beat us physically but have no doubt, we will be the ones declared the winners.. And we will go on to be the inaugural WBSW Tag Team Champions...
Lance: Probably singles champions too...
Hank: And we will be sitting at the top of the fed, with the titles, the best on show. So you go around hurting people for the hell of it if that’s what you like to do. Any one can cause some one pain.. But to take part in a match and come out the winner.. To win enough times to be champion.. that takes talent... and boys, talent beats violence when violence is put above talent. Get ready to start seeing us win a lot while you go around setting ants on fire or eating rats or something..
Lance: And here’s a friendly thought guys... You might wanna try the Ultimate Fighting League, that’s the place for big, brainless pain seekers like yourselves..
Hank stops the recording. The Vice Squad are heading towards Wilkes-Barre for their second match with WBSW. They know it’s probably gonna be a hard match but on the surface, they are calm and collected about what awaits them, safe in the knowledge that with a little help from The 3 C’s, a little ‘Cold, Hard, Justice’ will prevail.
Voice Over: Can The Vice Squad defeat the Black Circle Boys and go 2-0 up? Will The Black Circle Boy try to harm the Vice Squad or will the Squad beat them before things turn nasty? Grab your cornflakes and tune in to WBSW Live this Sunday to find out!
Copyright Vice Squad Entertainment