Post by patricksparkman on Apr 20, 2013 10:03:15 GMT -5
*The camera comes up on Barry Lincoln standing in front of Syracuse’s Niagara Mohawk Building and its very historical art deco appearance. He begins*
Lincoln: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are inside a week away from Spring Breakdown live from the Carrier Dome. One of the matches getting the most talk is the steel cage Xscape match involving Trent Brown, Sebastian Jankowski, Santa Claus, and the man joining me right now, “The Southern Gentleman” himself, Patrick Sparkman.
*Sparkman walks on camera wearing a navy blue polo with the crest of the Sons of Confederate Veterans and a pair of khakis in the nicer weather. He also has on a pair of Ray-bans on the bright day. He extends his hand and shakes Barry’s hand before he speaks.*
Sparkman: Barry, how are you doin’ today sir?
Lincoln: I’m doing well Patrick. How about yourself?
Sparkman: *slapping Lincoln on the shoulder* Oh Bare, can’t complain too much.
Lincoln: Well, we obviously a big pay per view coming up this weekend, but first I want to go back to the last Meltdown. You’re thrown into a match against one half of Ass Kick Nation to qualify for the Xscape match at Spring Breakdown.
Sparkman: Not shocked. I’m the only guy who has to truly “qualify” for this match. Alex makes it half a tag team, and not shockingly, they both try to come after me, luckily giving me a victory by disqualification and a proper qualification for this upcoming match.
Lincoln: But what came over you when you decided to bring out your flagpole and use it on both them?
Sparkman: Come on Bare. Simple self-defense. I know I’m good, but sometimes it’s nice to have a bit of an equalizer in those 2-on-1 situations.
Lincoln: Now, you’ve brought up Alex Morgan already. What exactly is your gripe with him?
Sparkman: *shooting Barry Lincoln a somewhat exasperated glance* Barry, you’re smarter than that. I know you’ve got glasses, but they certainly aren’t dirty enough to miss that. I mean, I’ve been thrown in to situations that I’m unsure what I’ve done to constitute being inserted into. *With a somewhat mocking tone* Is he trying to break me? Make me leave? Am I a legitimate contender or just a sacrificial lamb? *with clear intent in his voice* You know, I ain’t breakin’ and I’m not gonna take a coward’s way out like Loose Legs Lawsuits or Walkaway Thulu. I’m gonna fight my way past all this and show that I am truly the best in this business…and it all starts at my pay per view debut at Spring Breakdown.
Lincoln: Well, that brings me to my next point. The Xscape match. Obviously, we’ve heard from Sebastian Jankowski and Trent Brown, along with yourself. Anything you would like to add to what you said the other evening?
Sparkman: Well, I ‘spose it’s good to keep a little order in your world. So I’ll just keep it in order. Santa Claus, we all know your lights might be on, but nobody’s home. You’ve kept your nose clean in the war of words between all the combatants this Sunday. You’re petrified, ain’t ya? You don’t know how you’re gonna deal with not just two people who are on your level, however low that might be, and someone who will show their southern superiority, do you? It’s okay, I don’t think your fellow competitors know yet either, so you aren’t alone.
*Sparkman takes a slight pause to take a rather shallow breath*
Sparkman: I guess that brings us to ol’ Irish eyes himself, Ginger McDrunk.
Lincoln: *snatching the mic back* Whoa, Patrick. Come on now.
Sparkman: *With a faux apologetic tone* I’m just returnin’ the favor Barry. I mean, someone out there decided to fling around some generalities, just responding in kind. A hick, sister-marrying, Klansman, wonder the last time I heard that one. Hell, I might have to go back, oh, a night ago. It’s always the same insults that the non-southerners drop. And Trent, you’re telling me that ME and PEOPLE LIKE ME are the reason people have a negative view of the south. Firstly, I’d say the sweeping generalizations without any true experience would be a large reason, and secondly, even if it was somehow me and people like me, does anywhere on my being say I care, cause, if it does, I need to get that fixed…because I really don’t care what you, or anybody, thinks about the south I represent. I’m worried about me and my people first and foremost. We aren’t out to win any popularity contests with the world, because would you rather sell yourself out and lie about who you are or be proud of where you come from and what that represents? I know me, I’m pleased as punch to represent my people and what we stand for, whether that means helping your neighbor or runnin’ down someone who stands in your way of a goal. And Trent, you are in the way of that goal.
And about your little lady, I’m gonna give you a free geography lesson. Independence, Missouri ain’t the south. I don’t care if they added Mizzou to the Southeastern Conference, *As a quick aside* I was against it myself. On top of that, you didn’t seem to heed my warning, going out and buying your lady a rock. *Aside to Barry* You seen it yet? *After Barry shakes his head no* Oh, Barry, you need to, it’s the nicest 24-carat cubic zirconia ring I’ve ever seen. *Barry rolls his eyes and shakes his head with some derision* Oh, don’t give me that Bare. *Back to the task at hand* But you seem awful preoccupied Trent. Getting a ring for your woman, standing up and carrying the weight and burden of defending your country in a wrestling match with “some hick” running it down, AND vowing to rip me limb from limb, boy, you sure have a full plate coming up. Don’t worry, I’ll help you clean a little off that plate. I’ll make it my personal project and early wedding present to y’all to go ahead and give you a little extra time to plan out the proper wedding for the two of you. Mazel tov! *Quizzically to Barry* That is the right thing for the Celtic folks, right?
*Barry Lincoln pushes his glasses up and runs his fingers across the bridge of his nose. Sparkman just has an ear-to-ear grin across his face*
Sparkman: And I guess that leaves one person, the Polish Punk himself. I know I’m a bit of a “traditional” guy. Just talkin’ to some stiff here like Barry *Lincoln scoffs at Sparkman’s statement* doesn’t win you a match, but to get out, act proper and not hide behind a computer and say stuff in some secluded dungeon in Syracuse. You say I don’t know you, then proceed to tell me your life story as if I’m your therapist. *with a shrug* Perhaps, it’s just me, but I certainly wouldn’t divulge those kind of statements out to the world at large. *with some intent, as if he knows something* or maybe it is nothing more than pandering for pity from all these idiots you want everyone to believe you don’t care about. You just can’t shake them. *with a deep stare into the camera* Do you expect me to have some sort of pity or compassion because of your loneliness as a child or the fact that you left your home to start out anew? Forgive me if I see no reason for me to give you either.
Now, I will give you this. You’ve shown me you have pride in something Seb. Unfortunately, that is pride is in nothing more than yourself. A little personal pride, confidence, and even a bit of arrogance is a good thing, in moderation. But beyond that little bit Sebastian, you have nothing to draw from when you feel like you can’t do anymore and have nothing left to give. Look at your personal pride. You take personal offense to Trent Brown inserting himself into a match he was involved in. You are so set on him and what he’s had to say, you are willing to give me, arguably the most skilled and accomplished of the four combatants in their respective NAW careers, the chance to quickly dispatch of a clearly overmatched opponent as you lock up with someone every bit as talented a wrestler as you. Then, you assume it will be nothing more than me and you. Now, I know you are smarter than this, but if you think I would simply worry about nothing more than an obviously overmatched opponent and not about you, you must think I was born yesterday. You see, where I come from, trust is earned, and you ain’t earned nothing from me yet son.
Lincoln: *Looking at his watch* As we wrap up, any final thoughts Patrick?
Sparkman: *Looking over his shoulder at the building* You know, we’re standing in front of this seeming monument to northern opulence and unnecessary extravagance. A building built during the Great Depression that is covered in ornate décor and useless detailing as the remainder of the country toiled in poverty, not at the very least, the south, which was yet to recover from the sanctions and other impositions by the Yankee government after the War of Southern Independence and Northern Aggression…
Lincoln: *cutting him off* Patrick, I’m not sure where you’re going with this.
Sparkman: *initially to Lincoln* Barry, when I stand here, I think one thing, *back to camera* when it is truly unnecessary, why put more unrequired strain on yourself in anyway. Quite frankly, these three aren’t worth the gunpowder it would take to blow one of their noses. When three are so athletically and intellectually overmatched by one man, there shouldn’t be too much done in a match over what is required. But doing the bare minimum is the Yankee thing to do these days, so, much like the architects of *motioning behind him* this building, I’m going above and beyond the call of duty to win my first championship gold. *Looking at Lincoln, then back at the camera* And that’s all you need to know.
Lincoln: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are inside a week away from Spring Breakdown live from the Carrier Dome. One of the matches getting the most talk is the steel cage Xscape match involving Trent Brown, Sebastian Jankowski, Santa Claus, and the man joining me right now, “The Southern Gentleman” himself, Patrick Sparkman.
*Sparkman walks on camera wearing a navy blue polo with the crest of the Sons of Confederate Veterans and a pair of khakis in the nicer weather. He also has on a pair of Ray-bans on the bright day. He extends his hand and shakes Barry’s hand before he speaks.*
Sparkman: Barry, how are you doin’ today sir?
Lincoln: I’m doing well Patrick. How about yourself?
Sparkman: *slapping Lincoln on the shoulder* Oh Bare, can’t complain too much.
Lincoln: Well, we obviously a big pay per view coming up this weekend, but first I want to go back to the last Meltdown. You’re thrown into a match against one half of Ass Kick Nation to qualify for the Xscape match at Spring Breakdown.
Sparkman: Not shocked. I’m the only guy who has to truly “qualify” for this match. Alex makes it half a tag team, and not shockingly, they both try to come after me, luckily giving me a victory by disqualification and a proper qualification for this upcoming match.
Lincoln: But what came over you when you decided to bring out your flagpole and use it on both them?
Sparkman: Come on Bare. Simple self-defense. I know I’m good, but sometimes it’s nice to have a bit of an equalizer in those 2-on-1 situations.
Lincoln: Now, you’ve brought up Alex Morgan already. What exactly is your gripe with him?
Sparkman: *shooting Barry Lincoln a somewhat exasperated glance* Barry, you’re smarter than that. I know you’ve got glasses, but they certainly aren’t dirty enough to miss that. I mean, I’ve been thrown in to situations that I’m unsure what I’ve done to constitute being inserted into. *With a somewhat mocking tone* Is he trying to break me? Make me leave? Am I a legitimate contender or just a sacrificial lamb? *with clear intent in his voice* You know, I ain’t breakin’ and I’m not gonna take a coward’s way out like Loose Legs Lawsuits or Walkaway Thulu. I’m gonna fight my way past all this and show that I am truly the best in this business…and it all starts at my pay per view debut at Spring Breakdown.
Lincoln: Well, that brings me to my next point. The Xscape match. Obviously, we’ve heard from Sebastian Jankowski and Trent Brown, along with yourself. Anything you would like to add to what you said the other evening?
Sparkman: Well, I ‘spose it’s good to keep a little order in your world. So I’ll just keep it in order. Santa Claus, we all know your lights might be on, but nobody’s home. You’ve kept your nose clean in the war of words between all the combatants this Sunday. You’re petrified, ain’t ya? You don’t know how you’re gonna deal with not just two people who are on your level, however low that might be, and someone who will show their southern superiority, do you? It’s okay, I don’t think your fellow competitors know yet either, so you aren’t alone.
*Sparkman takes a slight pause to take a rather shallow breath*
Sparkman: I guess that brings us to ol’ Irish eyes himself, Ginger McDrunk.
Lincoln: *snatching the mic back* Whoa, Patrick. Come on now.
Sparkman: *With a faux apologetic tone* I’m just returnin’ the favor Barry. I mean, someone out there decided to fling around some generalities, just responding in kind. A hick, sister-marrying, Klansman, wonder the last time I heard that one. Hell, I might have to go back, oh, a night ago. It’s always the same insults that the non-southerners drop. And Trent, you’re telling me that ME and PEOPLE LIKE ME are the reason people have a negative view of the south. Firstly, I’d say the sweeping generalizations without any true experience would be a large reason, and secondly, even if it was somehow me and people like me, does anywhere on my being say I care, cause, if it does, I need to get that fixed…because I really don’t care what you, or anybody, thinks about the south I represent. I’m worried about me and my people first and foremost. We aren’t out to win any popularity contests with the world, because would you rather sell yourself out and lie about who you are or be proud of where you come from and what that represents? I know me, I’m pleased as punch to represent my people and what we stand for, whether that means helping your neighbor or runnin’ down someone who stands in your way of a goal. And Trent, you are in the way of that goal.
And about your little lady, I’m gonna give you a free geography lesson. Independence, Missouri ain’t the south. I don’t care if they added Mizzou to the Southeastern Conference, *As a quick aside* I was against it myself. On top of that, you didn’t seem to heed my warning, going out and buying your lady a rock. *Aside to Barry* You seen it yet? *After Barry shakes his head no* Oh, Barry, you need to, it’s the nicest 24-carat cubic zirconia ring I’ve ever seen. *Barry rolls his eyes and shakes his head with some derision* Oh, don’t give me that Bare. *Back to the task at hand* But you seem awful preoccupied Trent. Getting a ring for your woman, standing up and carrying the weight and burden of defending your country in a wrestling match with “some hick” running it down, AND vowing to rip me limb from limb, boy, you sure have a full plate coming up. Don’t worry, I’ll help you clean a little off that plate. I’ll make it my personal project and early wedding present to y’all to go ahead and give you a little extra time to plan out the proper wedding for the two of you. Mazel tov! *Quizzically to Barry* That is the right thing for the Celtic folks, right?
*Barry Lincoln pushes his glasses up and runs his fingers across the bridge of his nose. Sparkman just has an ear-to-ear grin across his face*
Sparkman: And I guess that leaves one person, the Polish Punk himself. I know I’m a bit of a “traditional” guy. Just talkin’ to some stiff here like Barry *Lincoln scoffs at Sparkman’s statement* doesn’t win you a match, but to get out, act proper and not hide behind a computer and say stuff in some secluded dungeon in Syracuse. You say I don’t know you, then proceed to tell me your life story as if I’m your therapist. *with a shrug* Perhaps, it’s just me, but I certainly wouldn’t divulge those kind of statements out to the world at large. *with some intent, as if he knows something* or maybe it is nothing more than pandering for pity from all these idiots you want everyone to believe you don’t care about. You just can’t shake them. *with a deep stare into the camera* Do you expect me to have some sort of pity or compassion because of your loneliness as a child or the fact that you left your home to start out anew? Forgive me if I see no reason for me to give you either.
Now, I will give you this. You’ve shown me you have pride in something Seb. Unfortunately, that is pride is in nothing more than yourself. A little personal pride, confidence, and even a bit of arrogance is a good thing, in moderation. But beyond that little bit Sebastian, you have nothing to draw from when you feel like you can’t do anymore and have nothing left to give. Look at your personal pride. You take personal offense to Trent Brown inserting himself into a match he was involved in. You are so set on him and what he’s had to say, you are willing to give me, arguably the most skilled and accomplished of the four combatants in their respective NAW careers, the chance to quickly dispatch of a clearly overmatched opponent as you lock up with someone every bit as talented a wrestler as you. Then, you assume it will be nothing more than me and you. Now, I know you are smarter than this, but if you think I would simply worry about nothing more than an obviously overmatched opponent and not about you, you must think I was born yesterday. You see, where I come from, trust is earned, and you ain’t earned nothing from me yet son.
Lincoln: *Looking at his watch* As we wrap up, any final thoughts Patrick?
Sparkman: *Looking over his shoulder at the building* You know, we’re standing in front of this seeming monument to northern opulence and unnecessary extravagance. A building built during the Great Depression that is covered in ornate décor and useless detailing as the remainder of the country toiled in poverty, not at the very least, the south, which was yet to recover from the sanctions and other impositions by the Yankee government after the War of Southern Independence and Northern Aggression…
Lincoln: *cutting him off* Patrick, I’m not sure where you’re going with this.
Sparkman: *initially to Lincoln* Barry, when I stand here, I think one thing, *back to camera* when it is truly unnecessary, why put more unrequired strain on yourself in anyway. Quite frankly, these three aren’t worth the gunpowder it would take to blow one of their noses. When three are so athletically and intellectually overmatched by one man, there shouldn’t be too much done in a match over what is required. But doing the bare minimum is the Yankee thing to do these days, so, much like the architects of *motioning behind him* this building, I’m going above and beyond the call of duty to win my first championship gold. *Looking at Lincoln, then back at the camera* And that’s all you need to know.